Day 171

June 20th, 2012: Damn, this is a good week. 254 today, which is another two pounds lost. I think this makes like 5 lbs. in 4 days or something. I always expect a bounce back up, but, barring a diet wreck, I don’t see myself returning to the 260’s. Fingers crossed, hope I don’t have to eat those words along with my supper.

These long summer days make following the program both hard and easy, and I think there’s a lesson to be learned here. In the evening, following the program is generally more difficult because it’s when everyone’s grilling in the neighborhood – and, winding down. I can’t and I won’t wind down then. This is when I get out and go running or something, and pretend I don’t have a choice – cause I don’t have a choice. The mornings? So awesome. Almost every morning from probably 2001 to 2012, I woke up sick from excessive food or alcohol consumption the night before. Not. No. More.

But dang, these summer nights 🙁

June 20th, 2020: What you want out of the program is your decision.  If you want to enter the Thunderdome of the program within the program – the process I followed, the material goal is weight loss.  The reasons why you might want or need to lose weight are likely similar to mine, and, if you’re honest, then vanity is probably one of those reasons. 

But when can you quit this fuckin nonsense?  Where is the end?  When have you – quote/unquote – arrived?

Juliana and I talked about this on our drive together this morning (to the gym, of course).  Not sure which one of us posed the question, but I began by maintaining that you never arrive.  I look at fitness from the standpoint of fighting crime or terrorism or disease – you can only win the battle, or the day, or the moment – never the war.  We both were silent in thought, and then one of us complained about soreness, and the other agreed.  One of us says this so often that it’s kind of a running joke, because it’s every day.  Every day both of us have sore muscles.  Every day both of us are hungry at some point during that day.  We are neither enfeebled by soreness, nor starving hungry – but both of these characters (soreness and hunger) arrive at some point.

So, after some thought, Juliana made the proposal that this may be when you know you’ve reached a cruising-altitude on The Program, or a program: you may have finally arrived when soreness, fatigue, and hunger are just typical characters of your day, and they have no impact on whether you’re going to manage your diet and exercise that day.  You can ignore them at best, or even laugh about it, but you know that your ass is going to the gym whether you want to or not.  This person you’ve created through this process is no longer in control of those choices, the program is now driving the bus and giving the orders.

Though I agreed that you can arrive, I know there’s always a sinister tractor-beam waiting to pull you off your program.  But I have reached that point when the decision is made for me, by that other me, and I’m good with that.