June 10th, 2012: You have to hang in there for 10 days at least, because you never know what’s around that next corner. Today, I have officially broken the 250’s barrier. I stood on the scale at 259 lbs. this morning, and though it may yo-yo a pound or three, I’m certain it’d be temporary. I just added another piece of affirmation-data to the program.
The scale number means so much to me. A lot of people would tsk-tsk this and say I’ve gone down the wrong road in this journey by depending so much on that number, and by living within its sphere of influence. In situations as important to me as weight loss, I don’t ever completely disregard opinions and thoughts, even those that oppose my own.
Living by the number on the scale, I’ll agree, is a potentially dangerous comportment. Though you mechanically know it, it won’t quite sink in to you that there is no defeating this opponent – you can’t reduce this number to 0. Believe it or not, I never fully examined this in my own mind upon undertaking this challenge.
I know that upon reaching 189 lbs., the only confetti, balloons, clowns, and cakes will be in my own mind. The next minute I’ll have to pack my bags and continue down some road. What will this mean? Will I next shoot for 185 lbs., then 180, etc? If I don’t, it seems like I’ll probably just start gaining the weight back. I don’t know if I know how to maintain a certain weight. Biologically/scientifically speaking, I know that I’d just have to balance calories in with calories out; however, I’ve not yet taken the biological and combined it with the psychological in the program yet as far as maintenance is concerned. I’ve got to get my own empirical data first, and that’s going to require another year past 189 lbs., at least.
The scale has the ability to fuck you up, but so does your bank account and the money that is or isn’t in it. If you take your scale weight and your bank account balance for what they are, just navigational beacons meant to make your life easier, then why not check them both every day, just to make sure you don’t stray too far, if nothing else? If you think these things are dangerous or evil, then your problem is deeper than just these numbers.
June 10th, 2020: The value of a smaller number on the scale is not just lost in statistics and the quantitative. It’s very much about the ability to do physical things you love, usually with less pain both during and after.
I remember one day after hitting goal weight I hugged Juliana, and it seemed like I could actually fit inside her embrace again. I mean, obviously we had hugged throughout the journey to 189 or whatever, but it was that one day I noticed it.
And now, having touched on the sensitive side, I also remember the first time I stepped back in the ring after I reached goal weight. I had stopped boxing for about a year to focus on these runs and triathlons and stuff, so there was ring rust, but I remember damn near going in circles around the 22-year old kid I was sparring with – he was huffing and puffing and I was finally not. I never even got out of breath! If it had been a real match, I would have beat him from pillar to post. It felt so good to be light on my feet for once.
I like to hunt deer around Mackey, ID. I would still hike to where I needed to be every season, but shit, it just sucked. I would worry all the night long prior to opening day about making this miserable-ass climb. I remember the year after I had reached goal weight, it was so easy making it to the top that I had to wonder if I was even in the correct place. Seriously.
Like I wrote yesterday, there is value to being in shape even if you’re overweight. Obviously, the best is to be at a healthy weight and have that physical fitness, but man, there are some days when as long as I had a decent level of physical fitness, then I’d much rather focus on weight loss. It seems like, for me at least, it’d be much easier to get in shape than lose weight, or if I re-phrase that, getting in shape would not hurt so bad if I always was at a healthy weight.
