June 9th, 2012: And so it goes. Up. 261 again. If you’ve lived this adventure with me for the last, almost 23 weeks, you’d remind me to just stay patient man, stay patient. It’s getting hard though. As I’ve learned that this is mostly a mental war, I’ll tell you the three main thoughts I’m battling right now:
- Summer. Everyone else seems to be enjoying the hell out of summer, and that, of course, means eating burgers, hot dogs, steak, and ice cream. All of it you can eat.
- I can’t seem to break into the 250’s, which is still so damn fat for my height, and still such a long way from 189 pounds. How in the hell am I supposed to summon the mental strength I’ll need when I already feel burned out?
- I feel like I’m in pretty damn good shape. Yes, I’m 261 pounds, but I can jog 13 miles without stopping.
So what do I do?
Goddammit, I’ve got to keep going. Maintaining isn’t good enough. I’d never stay at 261. I creep back up a pound or two here and there, more on some days, and then I’d be starting back over again at 350 + another 10 lbs. in year. I can’t do it. I can’t let go, I can’t quit, and I can’t ring that bell.
I’ve got to remember the numbers, my goals, and my reasons. If it all came down to it, I’ve got to remember that it’s all about the battle anyway. I haven’t gained weight for 10 days straight, and if I follow the program, based on science, then it’s going to work. Science doesn’t tell little lies to make me feel happy.
Eat less, move more, be patient.
June 9th, 2020: Eat less, move more, be patient. That probably sums up the structure of most legitimate weight loss programs. I’ve heard the ones on TV commercials that say eat all you want and still lose weight. That is bullshit. Period. You have to eat less.
Anyway, I remember having these thoughts right around the time of that first half-marathon. The idea that because I was “in-shape” and could jog 13 miles without stopping, I could ease up on the diet restrictions. Oh, that little goddamn demon. I don’t know if I had heard it somewhere, multiple times, or maybe I was just making it up to fit my plans at any given time, but it was this idea that between diet and exercise, if you can’t do both, then at least exercise. I guess whether I heard it or made it up, I’d agree with it and/or stand behind it, but…
…I wanted to lose weight, and a lot of it. I didn’t really believe it or understand it or what have you, but there is this fact that it’s nearly impossible to out-work a bad diet. This just means I can spend an hour on the stairmaster, burn a thousand calories, and gain those calories back in 5 minutes or less by power-eating some chocolate chip cookies. If I do that regularly, then I better not wonder why I can’t lose weight.
It’s true I’m not nearly as strong as once was – however, my strength to weight ratio is much higher. But, I needed to lose weight to be in better shape because at 350 lbs., exercise just became too damaging. Even when I’m over 200 lbs., running doesn’t feel as good as it’s supposed to. I ran a 40-mile ultramarathon at 205 lbs. I had plenty of energy – hell, I took third place, but I’ve got to think that it might have been one of the final nails in the coffin of my god-given left hip.
So, yes, I can be in excellent shape and not at my goal weight. But, to a certain extent, and certainly in 2012, weight loss and physical fitness were simultaneous pursuits, and had that symbiotic relationship. However, if told I had to choose between the two, weight loss would have been where I needed to place my emphasis in 2012. You can see, however, that those demons were using yet another novel tactic: convincing me that because I was “in-shape” then I wouldn’t need to manage my diet. Not only was I not really “in-shape”, I still had not reached my goal weight, and that had to remain my one and only mission.
