May 25th, 2012: Today is the Friday of Memorial Day weekend. I have so many reasons to honor those who gave their lives for this country, and also many people for whom I ought to probably go the cemetery and put flowers on their graves.
I may, in practice, celebrate this holiday for what it’s supposed to be, someday. However, most of my memories of Memorial Day weekend are about camping and camp/partying. I’m not bragging, merely stating a fact here, but I once counted 96 beers that I drank between the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, and the Memorial Day Monday. I didn’t count the beers drank at the South Fork Lodge or those that I stole/borrowed/accepted from my friends. I’m sure it was closer to 115 beers. This is impressive, I don’t care who you are. Three or four of my friends drank at least that much, or close to it, right along with me. You know who you are.
It wasn’t turning my back on the greater meaning. I was just a kid.
Well anyway, those days are in the distant past. I simply rolled out of bed and stepped on the scale this morning, with no big plans for the weekend. I don’t drink, I don’t eat like everyone else, and I hate getting rained out and muddy as fuck. And the scale gave me a treat for my efforts today – a two pound drop to 262.
Holy shit, do you know what this means? I’m 12 lbs. away from a 100 lb. loss!! Fuck you food and drink demons. I will be victorious. When I hit 100 lbs. lost, I’ll have smashed my hammer through a concrete wall, and then I’m really gonna light the pipes.
May 25th, 2020: Holidays. In 2012, this day’s post was on a Friday. Today is Memorial Day proper – Monday. I’m aware of the true reason for most holidays, especially this one. I’m also not naive, nor fake, so I’m also aware of how most people approach holidays. And fuck it, we should. We should remember why, and we should give thanks, and we should take our moment, and then we should do what we do.
Why add undue stress to your life because you aren’t doing what you’re exactly supposed to do on any given day, or feeling how you’re supposed to feel? The holiday police are doing the same thing you are, I assure you, they just hide it better than you do. I just try to do my best to get through this life with a smile while not hurting anybody’s feelings.
So, that being written, I found myself at odds with both parties when it comes to holidays. Since being on the program, I no longer allow myself to equate holidays with 10,000 calories, or 100 beers. And I doubt I’ve ever celebrated a holiday the way I’m “supposed to”.
I do what I do what I just gotta do. In my home, we’ve celebrated Christmas on December 26th, Thanksgiving on the 3rd Friday of November, and Easter on a Saturday in April. Some holidays aren’t negotiable – 4th of July, Halloween, for example, and we stay on track for the kids, but man, life’s hard enough without feeling shitty on holidays too!
The program is not only about believing in yourself, it’s about relearning to love yourself, regaining your sense of self, and taking care of yourself – sometimes by “torturing” yourself. The program is not for you if you can’t sometimes be willing to dance to the beat of your own drummer. I learned to not stress on holidays. I learned to not binge on holidays. I learned that if the holiday and the program’s directives happen to synch up that day, great, if not, there’s always tomorrow. We live in the U.S.A., which, last time I checked, is a free country, so I can go put my flag on the grave Tuesday if that’s the only time I can make it. I can and will just say, “no, but thank you for asking” to the offering of food that’s sitting out there on the picnic table.
The program is designed to make my mornings good. If I go to bed a little hungry, or a little melancholy because I missed out on the fun according to “the way it’s always been done”, then it just means I’ll carry on tomorrow and continue to learn to celebrate all of life as one giant holiday, and giving thanks and praise every single day.
