May 16th, 2012: I like nerd stories. Partially because I was once a full-on nerd, and sometimes kind of still am. I don’t go so far as to play D and D or watch Star Trek, but I do have friends that participate in both. And I obviously have those geeky tendencies (I once posted a mathematical formula to the secret of life on this blog!).
I get a kick out of the goings-on in the engineering computer lab from time to time, such as when there was nerd a few computers down from me who kept mumbling things to his computer, he was like “you, youuuuu, youuuuu” in a curiously menacing tone, and it kept getting higher and higher in pitch, and gradually louder. Finally he just screamed “ACKNOWLEDGE!!!!”, and then beat the keyboard against the desk like 6 times and proceeded to run out of the lab at full speed, running into tables and walls and tripping over himself the whole way. I was surprised for about 10 seconds, then just laughed my ass off.
So I caught myself wanting to do that to the scale today. I got on it for my daily weigh-in, and it was still stuck at 267, so I yelled “ACKNOWLEDGE” to it, in memory of that nerd’s blow-up. I didn’t beat the scale against the floor and go running out of the room. That’s my story for today.
My dream to get me through the unchanging number on the scale is the water park. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been to one and not been humiliated to take off my shirt or how I’ve had to avoid the oh-so-fun water slides for about the last 5 summers. I’m a kid at heart, too, you see, so I cannot wait until it warms up enough around here to take my family to the water park. Hell yeah!
May 16th, 2020: There are too many things to miss out on when you’re obese. One by one, like peeling an onion, things I used to consider fun began to disappear from my life as I kept getting fatter and fatter.
Some things do go by the wayside due to other life circumstances, but a guy should always be able to ride a horse, or a rollercoaster, or a water slide. If he wants to fly a plane, he should be able to fly a plane. None of those things should be out of reach to somebody who works hard. But I don’t care how hard you work, or how much money you make; the horse underneath that saddle doesn’t care either. He only knows you’re a fat fuck and wants you off.
My first flying lesson was many years ago, and I was already so big that the instructor and I could barely fit together in the cockpit of the Cessna 152. I had to scrunch in sideways. I couldn’t even comfortably step-on an airliner from probably 2008 to 2012. And that’s a story I hope you’ve read from me before.
Here’s another one only slightly off the subject: I watched a dad too fat for a Shetland Pony attempt to get on that Shetland Pony one time. Shetland Pony’s, in my experience, are assholes anyway, but this one was especially bad and he was giving the guy’s daughter hell. So dad decided maybe he’d ride out the oats or something. Before he got settled into the half-size saddle, the little fucker began to buck and run, hard enough that it put this guy up in the air and when he came down he smashed his nuts good on the little brass saddle horn.
Of course, I nearly had a heart-attack from laughter. The dad says to me, after he revived himself, “Why don’t you come give him a try hotshot?” Hell no, I just saw what he did to your fat ass, and even though I’m fatter, that pony sonofabitch ain’t tired enough yet.
I do remember well the size of the pony vs. the size of that guy, and how that pony won, despite the size of his cargo. Anyway, it just sucks to have to give up things because you’re too big.
You tell yourself you never wanted to do that stuff anyway, but it’s a lie, you are missing out. I missed out. I don’t want to keep missing out. The program requires discipline and aggressive belief in the process and solid-gold belief in yourself, but it doesn’t require you to sacrifice all that defines life. I’ve learned however, that coming back out of the cocoon requires some conscious thought and sometimes some fake it-till ya make it. Not everything you thought was fun back then still seems to be, but I know I’m wrong, it really is still fun, and I’ll get back out there and do it now that the 161 pounds has turned from mass to energy.
