May 12th, 2012: Static at 267 for the day. These days are no longer a surprise, and I’ll leave it at that. Well, no I won’t. I guess what static days are is annoying, whereas up-days are alarming, and down-days are awesome.
My first reaction to a static day is to ask myself why. Why am I wasting possible chances at feeling momentarily fulfilled to try to, let’s face it, look normal? There are so many good things I like to eat, but don’t, or can’t (on the program). BBQ season has basically arrived, and when you live in a middle-class neighborhood, you smell it dang near every night.
And there’s the Food Network. That’s all we used to watch on T.V. Now, it’s like, “what’s the point?”
I took a 5×7 picture frame, removed the opaque cardboard part from it, and whenever I wanted to eat something, I would remind myself that I don’t get to, but I could always window-shop. So I would hold the picture frame in such a way that whatever food was tempting me was visible within the frame, and I would stare at it for exactly 30 seconds, and then move on in life. I went so far as to take the picture frame with me to the grocery store. That must have been bizarre to witness. Oh well, maybe I was the cheap entertainment for the day. It usually worked, though. There are a lot of guns I want, and usually all I can do is ever window-shop them, so why not transfer the skill?
May 12th, 2020: I would much rather be skinny-fat than fat-fat. Let’s start there.
If I’m skinny-fat, then with my clothes on, I look just like the next guy, and don’t stand out in the crowd – this being the real #1 reason I started a war against my obesity in the first place. I wouldn’t jump at the chance to take off my shirt, even at the swimming pool, but I really have reached the age where I know that there ain’t no girls checking me out. I am happily married, and it’s fun to be noticed in a good way, but when the gray hair in your beard is starting to be more prevalent than the brown, well…
I’m starting to rabbit-trail, back on topic. So skinny-fat’s fine, and better than fat-fat. I can’t hide from fat-fat. I can squeeze it, suck it, tighten it, and dress in all black, but the world still knows I can’t control my eating, and probably thinks I’m a bad person for it.
I went through the skinny-fat stage around 210-215 lbs. Which, to clarify, at this weight I was certainly not skinny, but compared to 350 lbs….
I stayed at that weight for quite a long time; unsure, and seemingly unable to figure out what to do next. However, once I busted through the 200 lb. barrier, I started to show a little lean muscle. I’ll explain more as I go how I think this occurred, but I believe it was mostly a function of not really ever caring what I looked like with my shirt off, but beginning to develop a private belief that I could be an athlete again.
As long as I’m not fat-fat, I won’t get fucked over.
