April 19th, 2012: Well, it’d probably be better if the scale had never been invented. Dang, all it took was me talking about taking a day off from the program to cause a 4, yes, 4-pound gain. Shit and piss and shit! Back in the 280’s at 282. Here we go again with the decade tap-dance; and on a rainy, windy, no jogging, full depression Idaho day. However, I am in a smaller pant size, so there must be a silver lining there somewhere. I’m now in-between sizes, so the pair I have on (purchased at discount from the farm and ranch store – yes I have shit for brains) are just a shade too small , so there may be buttcrack issues should I be forced to bend over for something today. Figuratively my job bends me over on a daily basis anyway, but oh well.
April 19th, 2020: One time, in high-school, I borrowed a skateboard I found on someone’s lawn. We took turns holding on to the tailgate of my truck on the skateboard while one of the other guys drove the truck around the neighborhood. After multiple shots of Wild Turkey 101, which led up to this point, I had become fairly brave, and much more adept at skateboarding, in my mind, than my skill-level was in reality.
We had to have been going at least 30 mph when I got the death-wobbles and decided I ought to just bail off the skateboard. I figured I could come to a running-stop just fine, so I stepped off the board, and it didn’t go as planned. I still have a few visible scars 26 or so years later from the road-pizza modern art example the middle of my back turned into.
In mid-April of 2012, I began to get the death wobbles while I road the program skateboard. Prior to the 4 lb. gain of April 19th, I had begun to consider taking days off from the program here and there. I thought these planned days off might possibly delay what I started to feel was a gradual slide into insanity.
I know the ending of the story as I am today, you know the ending of the story if you’re reading this in April of 2020, and you know me. What you may not know, but what I do, is that in-between then and now something happened that made me hop off that skateboard thinking I could have a smooth transition off the program. The only thing I learned for sure is that this is what Beavis meant on the Cornholio episode when he said, “the streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers”.
I learned that for me, to set a single day weekly, or bi-weekly, or whatever, for cheating and over-eating; sets up a scenario where I live only for that day. If I set up two days, I live only for those two, and I also know that two days off is analogous to the cobra’s bite – it’s pure poison to the program.
