April 18th, 2012: Weight is static for today. 278 lbs. I was nervous to step on the scale this morning because I fucked up on Monday, and was too chicken to step on it yesterday morning.
Major chest and back weightlifting workout last night, then back to Rule #1 tonight! Cardio. I’ve just got to do my cardio.
There are certain things I’ve learned about myself in my 37 years. I’ve learned many of my limitations. When it comes to this program, I know when I’ll need a day off/cheat-day/off-day, whatever you want to call it. I’ve had 1 full-on screw up, and couple of other half-day off type things. Whatever it was, it was unplanned and off program, hence the labeling of “screw-up”. I feel an off-day coming on, not in the very near future, but in the next couple of weeks, but this time I’ll plan it. The reality of the situation is this: I will never go back to how I was, eating anything I want. But also, I know myself enough to know that moderation is not my gig either. It never will be. Why act like somebody I am not! That’s just how it’ll be and so I’m going to roll with that punch and exploit that constraint. So keeping in mind that I’m interested in the long-run, literally (half-marathon this summer, full marathon next summer), and figuratively (stay within some weight limit that works for me), I have come up with a plan for sustainability on this program.
I am not ready to be off the full program. I will stay on it until this weight: 221. My goal is 221 by July 21st (I’d have to double check, but I think that’s the date of the half-marathon, and also 100 lbs. lost). After that, I still intend on reaching a goal of 190 by December 31, 2012. But again, longevity is key with this for me, so 1 day off + 1/3 (I’ll explain in a second) will be necessary, and I will do that every other Saturday after July 21st. That’s not to say I might not do an off day or two between now and then, but we’ll see.
I’m gonna call it the “1/3 and 1 by 14” plan. Every other Saturday night, I’m going to eat whatever I want (except fast food and pizza –which I will always leave for Birthdays and Christmas/New Years) for dinner (that’s the “1/3” part). The “1” part is Sunday. I going to eat whatever I want on Sunday, because I know I won’t be satisfied by just the 1/3 on Saturday. Then on Monday it’s back to the full-on program for 14 days. The key is to never take 2 or more days off. N-E-V-E-R. I think I might be on the program forever. Is that so wrong?
April 18th, 2020: Did reading 2012’s post make you as sick to your stomach as it did me? If you didn’t see the beginning of the end in that post, you need to adjust your spectacles so you can be more effective at reading between the lines.
Hindsight is 2020, and man, I can read it crystal clear. Understand that this is the first time I’ve gone over these old posts since I wrote them 8 years ago, so I never know what to expect every day. I did not expect to see myself on the top of the slippery slope to extinguishing the program from my life.
I get no goddamn cheat days on the program! I’m just not allowed. If I cheat, whether I planned to or not, I have fucked up. I regularly employ the metaphor of stopping the bleeding when I’ve had accidental trips into the rhubarb. To plan to cheat the program is analogous to removing my sharpest knife from the drawer and lacerating my right arm from the inside of the elbow to the wrist. Who would do that after working so hard to lose 72 lbs.?
Evidently, I would. And I did not even notice it happening. Did not even see it coming. On this day in 2012, I had invited the vampire into my house.
