March 29th, 2012: Well that sucks, but it’s the dilemma of the dieter who weighs daily. I’m up 2 lbs. and back into goddamn nineties! 291 today, and that’s with still following the program to the letter and a killer workout yesterday. Some days I just have to be proud that I’m sticking with it, and that’s all I get.
Have you had things sidetrack you? You know those things that derail the best of your diet and exercise plans. For 88 days I’ve only had one day where a mistake side-tracked me, and I know it won’t be the last. I’ve decided that I want to list just a few things that I remember have fucked me up in the past and nearly knocked me out this time. You might be able to identify, maybe not, but here’s some trolls that have popped out at me and sometimes even won:
- Started a diet once on Jan.1, then realized it was still a day off from work and there were college bowl games. I was eating everything in sight by noon.
- Tried to quit drinking once on Super Bowl Sunday. What am I, an idiot? I drank at least 5 pots of coffee that day to try to fight the urge, so by that night when I was drunk I was not only drunk I was also wide wide awake and my hands were shaking.
- On the very first day of exercise on this program, I was tying the laces on my running shoes to go on the treadmill and one of the laces broke. I refused to let this derail me and I did that first workout just walking slow, on an incline, in my work boots.
- Came home dead tired from work one time early on in the program, but still fought the urge to take a nap and dressed down for a treadmill workout. Just as I was heading downstairs I heard my dog barfing and she had managed to barf RIGHT DOWN THE FUCKING HEAT VENT IN OUR BEDROOM. Perfect shot. Nearly decided to quit, but fought the urge and cleaned the puke after the workout (not recommended).
- Had to work a 17 hour back-shift and all I could think about was breakfast burritos from Los Alberto’s. Fought the urge and won.
- 2-year old kept me awake nearly all night (that has happened at least 15 times in the last 88 days), still did my treadmill workout.
- Mom told me her cancer had come back. Decided that not even this will stop me.
- Got sick with some bronchitis bad enough I was certain it was, like, tuberculosis or something. Chilled out on the exercise for a day or two, but stuck with the diet.
- Gained 6 pounds in one day, but hell, you can’t lose your sense of humor.
- Ran into some old friends who know me only as “Benweiser”. Just said, “Dudes, I’ve gotta make some changes . . .”, but still I had to hang out with them that afternoon when really I should have been home working out. Drinking super-gulp Coke Zeroes while your old drinking buddies are pounding beers is really awkward; I don’t want to go there again.
- Took a look in the mirror one day after I had lost around 30 pounds and I didn’t look a damn bit different. Asked out loud to myself, “What the hell is the point of this?” and damn near quit. I am past that point. I told myself I would at least do this until someone asked me if I’d lost weight. I am past that point and movin’ out!
- Went for a run the other day. Outside! I-pod ran out of batteries 1 mile into a 3 mile run. I wanted to be done. I wanted to be done totally. I just wanted to give up this whole program. I was being too sensitive. But I finished the goddamn run with only the ever-present Idaho wind in my ears.
- Was late for work one morning and spilled my protein drink powder. Nearly quit. Nope.
These are some of my big and little trolls. Fight on friends.
March 29th, 2020: It doesn’t take too many stagnant scale-days, or worse yet, up-weight days on the scale before I’m going to try to convince myself that the program isn’t working. And then I’ve got to Calm. The. Fuck. Down. It was really really really hard in 2012. It’s still hard now, maybe just two really’s, but still it’s tough.
I designed my program a long time ago, and I didn’t do it by guesswork. Yes, there were trial and error periods. This is another reason why I kept such a tight finger on the pulse of my weight changes. However, once I saw a continuous drop over multiple weeks, albeit slow as hell sometimes, I had to check myself in the head – not on the scale. I use an Excel spreadsheet and graph it. A downward slope into my goal weight is my favorite, just like an Allegiant Airlines Airbus A320 cruising into McCarran Airport on a sunny Las Vegas summer day.
Everywhere I used to go, there was something to distract me – to make me second guess myself about my reasons for doing this. There was also the always lurking thought of “if I’m doing this, why is it not working like a Swiss clock?” Why doesn’t the math always add up to the reality of the scale number? Someone out there knows better than me, why can’t I find that person? Where is that person to give me permission to eat/not eat, exercise/not exercise, have a cheat day or not?
You are that person. You are the boss. You are in charge of you. You do you. You plan it, you trial it, you tweak it, and then goddamn it, you believe in that shit, and take it all the way to the end zone.
