March 10th, 2012: Wow, that was a needed shot in the arm to at least get to the teetering point of a new century. I lost 3 pounds and I’m down to 300 even. Dammit I hope I don’t do a dance around a century mark. I think I’ll handle it fine, and I need to have a positive attitude, but it’s gonna get hairy and I’ll have to pull out all the tricks to keep going.
Mostly I’m proud of the victory that’s represented by me actually following through with this even when it’s been mentally, emotionally, and physically challenging.
My jeans are so loose now that I don’t even need to button them or unbutton them, they just go on and off like sweatpants. How is it then, that I was still able to rip the crotch out of a pair of them when I jumped in my truck yesterday afternoon? Maybe I’ll go get a new pair, and guess what, I don’t have to go to the Big and Tall guys store anymore. Well, I better not get too excited, I’ve still got a long damn way to go. If weight were distance and I was traveling from LA to New York, I wouldn’t even be to the Mississippi yet.
March 10th, 2020: That teetering point around 300 was extremely difficult. I remember it like yesterday, and I damn near quit because of it. I’m not really sure why the demons doubled-down on me right there, but it’s most likely because I got to thinking that if this is what it takes to just keep going, then keeping going ain’t worth it.
Here is another battle that doesn’t ever go away, and this knowledge gradually sunk in until the day I reached goal weight. It was somewhat of an anticlimactic event because I realized that now the battle of maintaining goal-weight began. I’ve spoke of this at length before, so I won’t perseverate, but suffice it to say that it forces me to remember that I have to test myself every single day. The flip side of the constant-battle theme is that by administering a small challenge to myself every day – a challenge I know I can meet, I allow myself to feel victorious and proud, just a little, every day.
I have to find ways to reward myself every day. This has been a challenge because food has always been my reward. Here’s what I learned regarding that – food can be, and still is a reward for me. It’s actually more of a reward than ever now. I really never would have guessed that I would love the food that I do get to eat way more when it’s limited. I actually taste my food now! I learned to give my food a chance, to let it do what it’s supposed to do. I never let it have a chance before, I was always worried about what I’d eat next, sometimes while I was eating something right at that moment!
It might take a while for what I wrote to make sense, but if it hasn’t already, it will. You limit what you get to have, you’ll start to love it more, and eventually look forward to it a lot more than you did when it was unlimited. A more appropriate word might be “appreciation”, and as you begin to appreciate smaller and focused fuel intakes, you’ve reached the next level.
