February 28th, 2012: Sweet, got 2 lbs. again, but it was for the price of two. So I’m 302 and descending upon a huge milestone here, and getting nervous right along with that fact. The ratio of pounds to days is spreading, but that was expected as well. It’s kind of similar to how a car can go from 0-20 much faster than going from 20 to 40 (only it’s backwards for weight loss, I guess). I worked hard yesterday at the boxing gym, plus my 30 on the treadmill. Maybe the stall/eddy is tomorrow, but then again, maybe not.
In my book Fire Crew, one of the threads through the whole thing was how I always admired my fellow firefighters who could keep calm in any situation. I admire that and aspire to that and after years and years of consciously working toward that, can usually accomplish it. Ironically, the more out-of-hand the circumstance, the more composed I become anymore, but I assure you, that’s a trained personality feature, and not innate to me. I thank all those firefighters from whom I learned how to deal with the acute stress of an emergency situation. And conversely to those complex situations somehow calming me, small incidents of things not going how I would like have the potential to make me go off like a keg of TNT. However, there have been three times, as an adult, when I’ve lost my temper, like a little baby boy.
About 15 years ago, I wanted to make pancakes, but I couldn’t find a pan in my house (I was a college student bachelor, okay). So I decided to use a pot. I knew it was a bad idea, but I really wanted pancakes. I didn’t wait long enough for the one side to cook before I tried to flip it, and the damn thing broke in half. I cussed and threw the spatula, which ricocheted off the cabinets and sprayed hot batter all over my face. By the time it was over, all the foot level cabinet doors had been kicked in, the pot was stuck in the wall where I had thrown it, everything that had been on the counters was now on the floor, and I was sitting on the couch out of breath.
About 5 years ago I went to open one of those bags of salad by pulling on each side of the plastic bag. I knew it was a bad idea, I should have just used scissors, but I pulled anyway, the bag burst open, and salad leaves and crap flew all over the kitchen. By the time it was over, one cabinet door at foot level had been kicked in, there was a dent in the material on the counter, a fist-sized hole in the pantry door, and I was sitting in one of the kitchen chairs out of breath. I’m just an idiot.
Then yesterday I had a complex math problem for work that I could not solve. Besides exercise and not eating much, that is all I did yesterday. And I still never figured it out. By early evening, I was skating on thin ice, control wise. There was no way I would let this derail my program, but I could feel it boiling toward that. So I drank about 300 cups of coffee from the Keurig. Somewhere in there I was so concentrated on the problem that I took a huge gulp of a cup that I had evidently just made and wasn’t paying attention (it was the kind of gulp you take off a water bottle after a killer workout). My mouth and throat and tongue got burnt straight to hell. I’m proud to say only that particular coffee cup got thrown out into the backyard and nothing else got broken. It was a proud moment for me.
Without a doubt, the program has left me on edge sometimes. I have no apologies. This is all part of it, and I’ve got to realize it and own it. Nobody in his right mind thinks eating less has a calming effect. Just another challenge to meet and defeat.
February 28th, 2020: Yes you will feel hungry sometimes, and miserable, and lost, and left wondering if the relatively short distance between you and unreasonable anger is worth it. This is a sign of a worthwhile program. This is an honest program. If your program tells you that you will lose weight and keep that weight off for more than a year, without reducing the number of calories you regularly eat, this program is lying to you.
As I’ve mentioned, I have tried many of the most popular diets and programs. All were successful to the point that I quit doing what they told me. None of them lied to me, I lied to myself. I encountered difficult times, and leveled the blame straight at the diet and the bastard who created it. I learned that I’ve got to recognize when I’m headed toward hangry (hungry = angry). This can actually be a sign of low blood sugar, but with me, I just think I was being a bitch. Anyway, I learned to try to avoid being hungry – and to do that, I had to make sure I ate during certain windows. After I passed those times, if I didn’t eat, the food I had portioned or prepped for that window was likely going to be too little and too late, and that, my friends, was a problem.
