February 16th, 2012: 314 today. Yes, that’s right, I gained a pound. Oh, it only makes my resolve stronger! Though it does remind of the first test I ever took in college. I studied and did everything I thought I was supposed to do. But sometimes things just don’t go your way. The test had all different questions than I had studied. Grade on first college test: F. However: Dean’s List by end of first semester. Lose the battle sometimes, but win the war.
Speaking of college, here’s a nerdy analogy with two stories:
In the world of engineering, and more specifically, the study of mechanics- of-materials, there are these things called “stress raisers” that occur in materials. A basic definition: it’s where all of the physical stress is concentrated, like a crack in the material or something, and the reduction in area at that point is often where failure occurs. In English, it’s the place in the material that can’t take as much shit as the rest of it, so that’s where it breaks.
I can apply that to the human mind and be wary of places and situations that are psychological stress raisers. You know, like the office party they’re having here today: BBQ and all the works. Fuck that, fuck you, no way. No, no, no – means I avoid that stress raiser.
My stories:
1) I was about a month into a diet a couple of Easters ago (long story short here). We went to my Mom’s house for Easter dinner (crack in the material). “Oh come on, just one piece . . .” (the crack propagates). Stopped at Maverick on the way home and bought TEN Reese’s big cups (more crack propagation/spread). By 8 p.m. I had a streak of chocolate from the corner of my mouth to my ear lobe (complete and total material failure).
2) Worked as a BLM fire-engine foreman. Had quit drinking for a couple of months (stress raiser right there). Got a call to go check out a smoke report in the foothills north of the station. It was about an hour before quitting time. I take 2 guys with me and the rest of the crew stays to clean up the station. The guys and I return to the station about an hour later and there are so many empty beer cans on the floor in the T.V. room it may as well be an aluminum Bud Light carpet. And the other crew is watching porn. Instant, complete, and total material failure. By 8 pm, we were all at the bar and I was buying.
February 16th, 2020 (retrospective): The stage at which you’re where you want to be is called “maintenance” in the fitness world. You’ve reached your goals and you’re working hard to stay there – it’s something I’ll dive into big time later on, and in some ways I actually find it more daunting than the journey south. Anyway, the reason why I bring this up here is that sometimes I mention being in a program “cruise-control”, even as I was still in the 300’s. Cruise-control is in no way an implication that I was satisfied with my location on the scale. The process was in cruise-control, but the product was nowhere in sight, actually – maintenance was not an option. Maybe that’s obvious, but just in case…
It’s 2020, and I’ve reached my original scale destination (goal weight), been back a few miles north, and even have been south of 189. I’ve talked about the power of the mind, and how limits affect my thought process. Limits and maintenance and cruise control and the power of the mind are more interwoven wires in the process that have to be sorted out for success. Ultimately, I have to control them – my cruise control is not very well-developed – I have to manually pull the levers and work the pedals. Hovering around your goal weight without major excursions in either direction is very challenging.
For further clarification, you might think of Rocky, in Rocky III – and, yep, the Eye of the Tiger. Ironically, the hunger for success is the metaphor ascribed to the up-and-comer who will do anything to become champion – the challenger has the “eye of the tiger”. There’s unrestrained desire to succeed, to get to your destination, to win. And then, when you get to where you want to go, it’s hard to stay there – you got the gig, now how will you keep the gig? Bernard Hopkins, one of the greatest boxers of all time, once said, “It’s hard to get up at 5am (to train) when you wear silk pajamas.” Here’s how it all ties together: you try so hard to get there, win that prize, become the champion, and then you succeed. All of a sudden it seems like there are no more challenges – and that’s where your brain begins to fuck with you again. This is when the real challenge starts. Cruise control and maintenance – two different things. Cruise control – the demons are visible, maintenance – they’re in the shadows. Again, make no mistake, the wolf is always at the door, he is always watching. The fight never ends.
Are my limits something I placed upon myself, or were they put there by the world? Is that locus of control sometimes outside of me somewhere, or am I at the controls? When events and encounters are not of my own creation, is my reaction to them enough to keep me in the fight? It’s worth considering.
