February 11th, 2012: Down a pound to 315. This makes 35 pounds in 41 long days – keeping my finger on the pulse of the rate. Day by day by day. I can’t believe I’m already 41 days and 40 nights past the brick hedge. In 30 years, when they’ve invented the magic pill that causes you to lose all the weight you want in one week, I’m going to say stuff to the younger generation like: “Back in my day I had to watch what I ate, every day, uphill, both ways. I had to exercise, I had to control my portions. I. Had. To. Eat. Vegetables. Not like you kids today. You eat all you want and take the magic fat-be-gone pill and that’s all you have to do. You have it so easy.”
Anyway, I have always said that vegetables are what food eats. I never minded them too bad until I had to eat them. I tired quickly of the bags of frozen vegetables and canned green beans so I tried the juicer. After multiple attempts I came up with a decent recipe, but you know what? It’s too expensive to buy all those fresh vegetables. Like, a half gallon of that juice cost about $15. Not to mention the labor. So after more attempts I have come up with a truly good recipe for both the vegetable hater and the vegetable lover.
Equipment: Blender/Food Processor whatever that thing is (I use a Magic Bullet). A spoon.
Ingredients: 1) Bird’s Eye brand Asian Medley frozen vegetable bag. Has to be this kind. I use the whole bag – steam for 5 minutes in the microwave. 2) Jar of Jalapeno peppers (I use between 5-10 peppers per bag of veggies). 3) ¼ to ½ cup Campbell’s tomato juice.
– Steam veggies 5 minutes
– Put jalapenos in first, then steamed veggies, then tomato juice. Blend to the consistency of your favorite dip
– Eat with spoon like you’ve always wanted to do when the chips have run out, but there’s still dip left over!
One time at Christmas my sister-in-law made her killer spinach/artichoke dip. That is the only thing I was looking forward to that Christmas. The ONLY thing. She took off the plastic wrap, put the dip on the coffee table, I rubbed my hands together as my mouth watered, I began to walk towards the dip. Out of the corner of my eye I saw one of the younger cousins also approaching the dip. She got there before I did, stuck her finger in the dip, and then full-on snot-sneezed directly into it. That was the end of that. I cannot and will not ever eat spinach/artichoke dip again. Maybe if I had witnessed more people sneezing into food that I tend to binge upon, I wouldn’t be in the predicament I am today.
February 11th, 2020 (retrospective): I over-think most thoughts, and I’m talented at turning a straight road into a maze of confusing curves. I especially like to do this over-thinking thing at night, right when I get into bed. It’s when I do most of my contemplation, and it’s usually about really dumb shit, or at least it starts that way. I’ll recall a text message I wrote that day where I put a period, when an exclamation point would have worked better, and within 5 thoughts or 4 minutes I’m wondering what the nature and purpose of life really is…
…There are never happy or relaxed thoughts when I first get into bed. They used to make me feel that I needed alcohol or pills or food. Now I just say fuck it, and think the thoughts, but without resorting to a look through the fridge or pantry to see if I can find something with which to eat my thoughts and feelings.
That weekend in February of 2012 I think was one of my hardest. Ever. And February is my least favorite month due to both the real and perceived shit that’s gone down in my life in February’s past. It doesn’t get any more dead-of-winter than February in Idaho. It seems like the longest of all the months, yet it’s literally the shortest. It’s dark when I get up for work, it’s dark when I get home. It’s cold and the wind is always blowing. Everything seems just dead, and in fact, February is a month where I’ve lost a couple of loved ones for real – loved ones I will never see again. In 2012, if I was gonna lose it, it would be in February. Every little comment from somebody, every little stress event, and every little second-guess seemed exacerbated, however…
…I have written about trying to turn liabilities into assets, as Alton Brown from the Food Network suggests. Here was a perfect opportunity – February. An entire month was a liability for me, and that became stacked odds. I have worked for eight years now to turn this “February sucks” attitude into “Yes, February still sucks, BUT…”
…here’s my chance to retreat to the boiler room of the factory to open the toolbox, turn the wrenches, adjust the belts, grit my teeth, and grind forward . February is now when I just put my fuckin head down and gain yardage the hard way. It’s the tunnel where on the other side is springtime and re-birth. Join me or get the hell out of the way because I’m doing this, and I am not stopping.
February is when I sink my dreams into life stocks, future-satisfaction bonds, and peace-investments, and basically forget about any sincere effort toward actual relaxation, happiness, or battle-free days, 28 or 29 of them. February is the trenches of the 12-month year and I intend to stay here in the mud and the muck and back down from nothing.
February is waking up every dark and cold morning to the shock of the alarm clock, turning that alarm clock off without hitting the snooze button even one time, rolling over to the point where I’m sitting on the edge of the bed with my feet on the floor, and quietly telling myself (sometimes even audibly) to just trust the process. When I let my dogs out, that blast of cold air that used to make me wonder what the point of living is, now just reminds me that February is a just a bad-ass opponent. February came to fight, but so did I, and I will never give up. I have no doubt in my mind who’s gonna win. In fact, all I have to do is hang in there for 29 days, at the most, and I win.
