January 21, 2012: Going again in the right direction. Lost that pound. 332 now. I’ve been stalled here all week, and I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow.
Man, when I think about a possible full year doing this, or 143 lbs. to go, it just seems daunting, or depressing. It seems like a long and desolate road. That’s me thinking too big, so I have to think small today – “enjoy the journey” kind of thing. When my losses are small, or I’m on a plateau, like I have been this week, I force myself to think of little rewards – finishing work for the day, or finishing the day’s workout, or hearing my two-year old son’s laughter, or crawling into bed for the night. You know, little things. Watch my attitude and writing change when I start steadily losing again. I’ll start thinking and talking big again. I’m just that way. That’s how I deal with life. When things get too big, I think small, when things get too small, I think big – something like that.
I quit smoking and chewing Copenhagen cold-turkey on 12/9/03. Three days into it, I woke up in the middle of the night because I heard something rattling against the wall. It was my headboard on the bed rattling against the wall because I was shaking so badly. Quitting that was nearly overwhelming at first, but now I don’t think about using tobacco anymore (because I don’t have to deal with it every day). I quit drinking cold-turkey on 4/4/09. That seemed like it was going to be impossible at first, but in reality it just left a nagging feeling for about a month, and then there were only occasional ghosts to confront. I still think about drinking from time to time, but the huge urge isn’t there (because it doesn’t have to be every day). Now, with changing eating habits. An entirely different story. The only cold-turkey I think about is a eating a pound of cold turkey on a white-bread sandwich. You can’t just quit eating. It’s there every day. Always in the back of your mind. You have to deal with it every day. If you want to stay healthy and happy, you have to make choices every day, and I hope we all make the right ones. Obesity is a disease, and no one could convince me otherwise – just because of the fact that you have to set aside time and room in your mind to think about it often – just as if you had any other chronic health problems. This is way harder than quitting cold turkey, but that means it’s just more of a challenge, and therefore, more fun! Keep on trucking!
January 21st, 2020 (retrospective): I learned that the process will do what the process wants, and what’s probably best for you, even if it’s in the form of unanswered weight loss prayers. I learned that the process is sometimes just a mystery in which you must believe. The process has many components similar to that of a God, and just like a conviction for any deity, you have to maintain a steadfast confidence in the process. I’m not religious, but I believe in a higher power, and God is easy to spell. Faith is easy when shit works like it’s supposed to, but it gets tested every time it doesn’t turn out like you think it should. Don’t stop believing.
