January 16th, 2012: No weight loss from yesterday. Still 334, and I did about an hour of cardio. No worries. The Eagles sing “Who is gonna’ make it, we’ll find out, in the long run . . .” We’ll see.
Regarding challenges: I’m starting to see something of an intrinsic quality in all this business. The first couple of days I had all these motivations. Then, like the third or fourth day on the program, I started having these temptations and thoughts like: ahhh, my kids don’t care how fat I am /or/ I still feel fine /or/ my athlete days are behind me anyway /or/ I don’t have enough money to go hunting anyway /or/ life’s too short – blah blah – you get the idea. But I’ve stuck it out, and followed this crap to the letter and now something has started happening. I feel like I’m in this just to be in this. It has become motivation in itself to be doing this. I’m actually looking forward every day to keeping a journal, possibly thinking in a positive way about dieting – not as if I’m missing something. That feeling of missing something is ever so slightly diminishing as I take on this attitude of this being kind of a (dare I say it) fun thing. Oh hell – there I said it. And as things become possible, i.e., I realize I can do this – now those other extrinsic motivators are creeping in again. I feel pretty good today. Even if I didn’t accomplish a damn thing this weekend, at least I stuck to the program, and that feels like justification alone.
I screwed around with the juicer again yesterday and came out with something that looked a little better than that diarrhea-looking mixture from last time, and it tasted pretty good. I put the recipe below, though I recommend 86-ing the tomato paste (300 calories from that, and fuck that, it ain’t worth that). It’s still probably easier to just go buy a bottle of V8 juice, but where’s the fun in that? Plus I have to admit, I feel damned energetic this morning.
6 beets 12 oz. tomato paste
1 bag of mini carrots 2 TBSP Worchestershire sauce
1 bunch of celery 35 shakes Tapatio hot salsa picante
1 bunch of parsley 1 tsp A1 steak sauce
1 bag of hearts of romaine lettuce I used a “Juiceman Jr.” and just threw it all in
1 head of cabbage Suggestions welcome!
January 16th, 2020 (retrospective): Off the subject, but I do remember feeling strongly about buffets. I am not afraid of bears. I am not afraid of lightening or spiders or snakes. There are just a few things I’m afraid of in life, and one of them is the goddamn buffet, or more specifically, the eyes and thoughts and judgement of those who are sharing that buffet with me. I’m the only person who would’ve turned down an invite to the last supper because I’d be too worried that everyone at the table wouldn’t have heard anything Jesus said. The disciples would only would’ve been thinking, “Damn I hope he don’t eat all the bread before we break it.” They would have had to pray about that. So maybe I need to say I fear public eating in general, and really fear buffets; kinda like that person who fears spiders in general, but a big hairy spider puts them over the edge. When you’re the biggest person in the room where the buffet is set up, you’re thinking that everyone is either placing a mental bet with themselves about how much you’ll put on your plate, and/or how many trips you’ll make through the line. A side bet is your placement in the line, will you be the first one in the line, or the last? Oh God, they then think to themselves, I better get my ass up there fast, because if he’s in line before me, I ain’t getting any food.
