Day 14

January 15th, 2012: Damn, this end of week 2 has brought good numbers. Down 2 lbs. today – 334. Treadmill yesterday – 30 minutes plus a 50 minute leg workout (Squats, Leg Extensions, Leg Curls, Barbell-Steps). Pretty sore today, but motivation in good supply. I still feel like something in my life is missing, but even if you threw a dozen chocolate donuts in front of me right now, it wouldn’t tempt me. I just can’t fall off this wagon. The hardest part still is that 6-10 pm time slot. Sometimes I can hear my stomach growling. No shit.

I’m not a big fan of forced vegetable eating – as in, vegetables are what food eats, so I don’t eat a lot of straight-up veggies. I got the idea, while I was feeding my 2-year old boy the other day, for these veggie shakes. He won’t eat vegetables until I blend them up in the Magic Bullet blender. So I figured I’d try it and it’s been working for me, too. I take a bag of Birdseye “Asian Medley” frozen vegetables, steam them in the microwave for 5 minutes (as per directions on the bag). Then I put them in the Magic Bullet blender with about a 1/2 cup of tomato juice and a good size splash of hot sauce (can’t remember the brand name of that right now either, and I don’t put hot sauce in my 2 year old’s veggies). It seriously has the consistency of a milkshake, only it’s a veggie shake. I am actually enjoying that right now. I know I’ll get sick of it at some point and have to change to something else, but it’s okay for now.

When I look at people in before and after weight loss pictures, I am always humbled. I think that those people in the “before and after photos” are more beautiful than people who’ve never had to deal with weight problems. You look at them in the “after” photo, and not only are many of them very physically attractive, but you can also see that inner beauty they possess because of meeting this challenge and probably many others like it, and kicking ass. Then you look back at the before photo, and there it is – that inner beauty that you didn’t see at first. I wish it weren’t like that, I wish you didn’t have to be normal-sized to be noticed in a positive way, but that’s the way it is man. It sure is cool seeing inner beauty in people who have it. I hope I have inner beauty, cause I ain’t winning no outside beauty contests, not now, not ever.

January 15th, 2020 (retrospective): As a continuation of yesterday’s theme, what I wanted to say is that when you see an extremely obese person, you probably shouldn’t assume this person is a slacker, or lazy, or doesn’t care about appearance.  While the focus of this person does not, at present, appear to be on managing weight, he or she may be, in fact, waging a horrible personal argument within himself every time he even thinks about food.  He may be stuck in a whirlwind of using food to release dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain that makes you feel good.  What you are looking at is an addict, and addictive personalities share many of the same traits as Type A personalities, so many, in fact, that I submit that discerning between the two is sometimes not even possible.  This person doesn’t just like food, he does food, and in a big way.  Don’t let this person fool you, either, by believing him when he says things like, “I don’t get it, I only eat one meal a day!” Or “I don’t get it, I only eat (blank) number of calories day, and I exercise!”  I caution you to use good judgement (and don’t lie to me or anyone else, you will judge) and keep your thoughts and your unsolicited advice to yourself. If you looked at me at any given time in the year 2011, you ought to have known you were looking at a dyed-in-the-wool, Type A, obsessive, outgoing, ambitious, and food-addicted sonofabitch.  A 30-something, five-foot, ten-inch, three-hundred and fifty-pound man who can publicly consume eleven large cinnamon rolls in one sitting, and not get sick, is not a loser or slacker. I would not and will not ever stop seeking the release of dopamine to deal with life’s stress.  It’s becoming obvious to me now that this is what the fallen angel really is – that constant search to find something to make me feel good.  Now, how do I go about doing that without nearly fist-fighting myself every time I turn around and see something I want to eat?  Eat all of it.  And then come back for some more.